Senior year has been hectic as hell, I really don’t see how it could be chill. I just hope I make it through the year in one piece, with acceptable grades, and a good college to go to.

Hope, such a fleeting thought. One moment it’s there, gracing you with it’s presence and beauty, the next: vanished.

Aside from juggling AP Chemistry and Calculus A/B and Calculus 1 from EVC now that I failed the first semester of calculus.. I have performances for an acapella group that I joined this year on Saturday, and then 2 weeks from Saturday I have a Martial Arts performance, probably the biggest event of the year for our club. On top of that, I have three more guitar performances in which I really need to practice, but I’m just so tired all the time..and demoralized too.

I know that I need to constantly try to advance my studies, but the worst part about high school is that there’s no room for breathing. Class after class after class..teachers constantly harping at you for not doing what they expect you to do. Especially Mrs. Aisola. God, sometimes I wish I could go deaf for a while. It is of the worst luck that I had to be grouped with one of the most rambunctious selection of students. They can’t ever seem to shut up, and they always end up making her mad, and in turn, she lectures the ENTIRE class as if it was collectively all our faults. And then whenever we try to calm the class down by ourselves, she gets offended because then our actions tell her that she can’t even do her own job correctly. Jesus Christ it’s a hell hole in there.

But enough of the worrying and the stressing, let us take the subject to a happier note. I love my club and it’s members, it’s really brought the joy into my life. The members fuel my spirits and inspire me to push my limits. They truly are my other family, and the club has in a sense taken root in my veins, and the thought of parting with it makes me want to cry. It hit me this last Saturday when they pulled off this ridiculous stunt by bowing down to me and offering me a 2 liter pepsi and a cupcake after my acapella performance. It was so embarrassing, yet it made me really happy. These kids really make my life good, and it has been a pleasure to meet and get to know each and every one of them. It pains me to know that I won’t get to see how they all turn out.

I only have 3 months left to spend with these wonderful people, and then I’ll probably never see them again..I’m having a really hard time choosing the correct words to express my sentiments, but in reality there is no way to explain how I’m feeling. It’s just too overwhelming, and all I can say is how much I’ve come to love this club and it’s all thanks to my brother for trying to keep the fire burning with martial arts. Even though we differ in our teaching styles and how we govern the club, I would like to think that we’ve made a difference in the lives of our members, because I know he has influenced me in various ways, and I still look to him for advice. I can see that I am influencing others because they can confide in me with their problems, and from there I can help ease the pain they are feeling, or help them resolve those problems completely.

Each of their personalities are so unique, none are alike. It’s like this club has an affinity to collect members that are unalike in so many aspects that somehow it just reverses itself so that we’re all alike (if that makes ANY sense at all).

Ah, well, it’s getting late and I keep blogging I might just blog all night. Good night.

I can’t wait to start playing A Passion Melancholic – Depapepe with Andy. I can’t believe I had never heard of them before. They’re music is just so dynamic! However, I wish they had some finger-style pieces in their mix, but regardless their music is phenomenal. However, this song has harder timings than Summer Parade, but S.P. has a lot of mobility on the frets, making it hard. I guess both are going to be challenging, eh?

Learning to sing with Acapella, and it’s awesome! I’ve always felt embarrassed by singing, but it looks like with their help, I will FINALLY not sing like crap. Beatboxing needs more work, of course. But what I really need is a mentor, or just someone to help me out with my style. It’s getting so dry, ._. I also need someone to teach me all of the cool sounds people make with their mouths x-x;; But so far I feel like I can mix it up decently, not too many rinse repeats.

Need to work on a stronger kick, I’ve been having trouble with it considering there are 12 – 13 singers compared to 1 bboxer. But I also need to watch out for making it sound like a fart, that’s way worse than not being heard. Also, the snares could be crisper, but how do I do that while not compromising volume?

Blah, calculus is still raping my ass. Hopefully Eddie can help me over the Thanksgiving weekend. Okay maybe I will rant a little bit. (x But seriously, who the hell is going to use optimization in their future lives? If I want to know the maximum area I can use with a copper wire I’ll just ask the guys at the Home Depot, shit. Even without the employees there, you can just use COMMON SENSE, and if that fails then just use trial and error! Who the hell wants to sit there and solve a ridiculously complicated mathematical equation? Freaking ridiculous.

I find it funny that as I rant this, my facial expression has not changed once. If I had to guess, my face would probably look like the, “BUHH..I don’t give a shit” face. It’s also ridiculously cold in my room for some reason. Good thing I have a shit ton of blankets and pillows to keep me warm. (=

Ah, tangent on dreams. I can’t remember my latest ones, but I have been dreaming more on a regular basis. I believe it was Friday night and Saturday morning, I had 3 separate dreams in one sitting (or laying, tee hee..?). It was really weird. One of them had to do with Eddie and I fighting over something COMPLETELY trivial and ending up hating each other, something like that. That dream then went on it’s own tangent and a burglar broke into our house and started snooping around. That dream ended soon enough and there was a serial killer outside our house. He ended up killing my uncle and someone who I couldn’t make out very well. My mom was screaming a claustrophobic person trapped inside a box, and it made me think. SOMEONE is trying to kill us, and you’re screaming? Really? Shut up and be quiet. Now I know that’s extremely rude to say to your parent, but it was a dream. My world, biiiitch! xD

Anyway, I really want to learn a slow, chilled out finger-style piece. That way I can jam by myself. :p. That and I don’t have to play chords anymore, or rely on another person to play my other part. I also need to practice bboxing while playing, that would definitely be a treat for people to see.

Rooooaarrr. I wanna be a billionaire..>_>;; so then I could by my parents like 5 houses- each! Finally starting to get tired at 5:00 A.M. Sigh.. not enough time to sleep. I’m scared if I ‘nap’ it might just sleep through school.

Speaking of school, I can’t wait for the ICC Charter Dinner! Sick ass shit goin’ down! =D. That and I somewhat want to get it over with. It’s in December, eesh.

Well, time to internet surf before school.

Until next time,

-E

It’s not that it was something I couldn’t bear,

But because I’m fixated on this brown haired beauty

She’s got a hold on my heart, truthfully.

The intricacies of her nature are profound,

But there’s no way that she’d bring me down.

I’m determined, my mind is set.

So you’d best not be making bets.

That I’d lose this chase for love,

‘Cause I know I’m going to rise above.

By now you’ve disposed with the idea of me,

So there’s no need for us to be.

And now that I’ve found my boo,

I sincerely hope that you find yours too.

There’s not much to say seeing as how I don’t know you, but I wish you the best.

Alright, jokes aside, my dream is simple: to create a piece of music that will move just one person to tears. My dream is as simple as that.

My aspirations, however, are vast and wide (keke). I want to correct my past mistakes by not repeating them in the future and I want to continue to become a better person than I am now. I’m sickly envious of people who are musically talented. I wish my brain could work that way, just listening to a song and finding the notes on the guitar. Believe me, I’ve tried to look for notes, eventually they all start sounding the same, or I lose the sound of the original note I was supposed to find. Maybe it’ll take time to learn how to do so, but I’m not going to give up. I’m definitely going to make a piece that will move someone to tears one day. I also hope that my music will bring people together, in the good sense that they will be inspired to create music just like I have been inspired by the many talented artists in the world. I also wish that my future creations will help others move away from the world of drugs and alcoholism, because this nation is beginning to fall apart. I see more and more young teenagers with bright futures wasting it on substances like ecstasy and vodka, which dull their judgment and their ability to have a coherent presence.

And if possible, I want to teach music. Nothing joys me more than seeing other people put creative twists onto original pieces. I know that the classics are the classics, but the ability to arrange and recreate pieces is a beautiful talent to have.

Ignorance, pursuit, frustration, drive and passion, completion, perfection.

As a child, I had this complex where I would shun Eddie’s love because I felt that it was ‘gay’ and weird because guys weren’t supposed to express their love for each other with hugs and whatnot. All throughout our childhood we would argue and fight, quarrel and brawl, scream and kick, but in the end, I feel like I left him behind.

I remember when we would play games, I would always want to be on the side with another player, because I felt secure then. Looking back, I realize I left you in the dark to be on your own and even though it was something so trivial as a game, I still feel terrible for doing it. That’s not what brotherhood is about, and although I don’t fully understand it, I know enough to never abandon you again. You were pretty quiet as a kid, and sometimes people would pick on you. I remember as a kid I never teased you alongside with those bullies, but I never said anything about it and that’s just as bad as teasing you. Even though I’m the younger one and I know now you can take care of yourself probably better than I can, rage courses through my body when people make fun of you. If people are joking, then that’s dismissible, but when people really mean to hurt you, I feel like wrecking them and making minced meat out of them. Just know that no matter what, it’s you and me against the world.

I also said earlier that I wanted to follow in your footsteps academically, but I’ve failed to do so over and over again. It’s not that I’m giving up because the road is too difficult, it’s just I’ve realized that we are indeed two different people, no matter how similar we are. That plays into what I want to do with my life as I grow older. You know right now my passion lies fully in music, and I can’t get it out of my mind. I just hope that my dream and my pursuit of that dream won’t cause the burdens of the family to come raining down on you. We both know how being a musician is like, hit or miss. And even though I don’t want to be a full-time musician, but if I don’t commit to this dream, how am I ever going to achieve it? I hope that you’ll be there to support me along the way, just like I will support you in your decisions to pursue whatever career is in your future interests.

Also, it would be totally badass if I can get into Davis with you. It’s always been an aspiration of mine to live together with you without mom and dad. I never want us to become like others in our family.

I don’t want to write anymore, I’m getting too sappy. But lastly, I love you Eddie, you’re the greatest brother in the whole world and I will always be grateful for the sacrifices you’ve had to make for me, as well as the overwhelming support that you’ve given to me.

–Side note: Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my 30 day letter challenge, I got caught up with some issues, mainly hardcore gaming ><. Getting back to it now!

Mom: It pains me to know that what I want with my education will not satisfy your dreams for me. I know I want to do something great with my life, but it might not be in the same direction that you had expected. I don’t want to further disappoint you, as I already have all my life. I had always wanted to fill my brother’s shoes, but now I feel that I have my own path to walk on, and this feeling is stronger than I had imagined. I know the path that I might choose will not bring food to the table consistently and will cause my life to be an on-going rollercoaster, but I want you to give me a chance. I still have other passions alongside this one. However, I promise through that I will never leave you, even though you have doubts that we will. You should put more faith in us in that your love isn’t one-sided. Also, I wish you’d smile more often. Even though a lot of your stress is because of me, I wish that you’d find more joys in life for yourself.

Dad: Even though your labor life has not been as difficult as mom’s, but your mental struggle with all of the problems in our family have always been your burden. As much as I’d like to say pass the burden onto me, I couldn’t handle the overwhelming responsibilities that you have. I can only hope to support you in your decisions while helping relieve some of the physical burdens that both you and mom have to bear. I know a lot of the time it looks like I’m not trying, but I am. Maybe it’s not a vigorous effort, but I’m trying none the less. I’m a bad promise keeper, so I won’t make more promises than I can keep, but I will try harder to make both you and mom proud of me for my achievements in life.

From start to finish, Lam is a great guy (no homo). He’s always got my back and he treats me like family. Trustworthy would be quite the understatement for him. Not to mention his uncanny ability to laugh uncontrollably for ample amounts of time.

I met this funny guy in 6th grade, we had the same math class together (math was split into 3 sections instead of it being at homeroom). Freaking Ms. Monge, that bitch was mean. D: I remember him always being picked on because at the time, he looked like a kid you wanted to pick on. He pretty much had the label, “Pick on me!” on his forehead. I swear, at times I wanted to pick on him too. But overall, we didn’t get to know each other very well in 6th grade, I would have to say we were acquaintances back then.

Now, everything changed when I hit 8th grade. 1st period Mrs. Aragon for Algebra 1 Advanced, with Lam on my left and Andy Ngo on my right. I distinctly recall that Andy and Lam had an on-going verbal feud between each other and it was absolutely hilarious to be in the middle for once. They would go back and forth , “Fucking communist!” and “Shut up, you small penis!” Anyway, back to Lam. During this time in my life, I was supremely disorganized and had a terrible sense of finding things, which leads to the series of me losing my pencils every single day. And who did I rely on everyday for a pencil? Well, you can only guess. Mr. Lam! His mom works at a company and although I have no idea what her actual career is, she gets free pencils. For a while, every day was ,”Shit, I lost my pencil. Lam, can I borrow a pencil?” And everyday he would go, “Sure.” *hands me a pencil*. I swear in that year alone I probably went through 40 or maybe even 50+ pencils of his.

Moving on, after we entered high school, I was determined to join my brother’s Martial Arts Club and Lam decided to join with me, since he practiced Martial Arts as well. We grew closer and closer as practices went by, and now he and I run the Martial Arts Club as Pres. and VP.

Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without this funny guy.

Lam, this was supposed to be for a best friend and even though you are my best friend, I consider you more of a brother than I do a friend. You make me realize almost everyday that generosity is not something to be taken advantage of and I will do my best to repay you for everything you’ve done for me over the years that we’ve known each other. I hope that we will continue to keep in touch even after high school is over.

P.S. Fuck the haters.

Aside from that, I performed my Blues composition with some of my classmates for our final today and I think the most memorable part of our song would have to be where we all shout, “Hey Shawty!” and I know this is weird, but I hope we get remembered as the “Shawty Boys” LOL.

Anyways, have a good one you guys.